My Favorite Animal

My Mom sent this to me today. I love that women.

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."  She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am.  Fried chicken is my favorite animal.  I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.  He said they love animals very much.  

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.  Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.  Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.  I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.  So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.  She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand.  My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.  Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Sharing is Such Sweet Sorrow

Listening to the smacking of gum is not enjoyable.  The six year old boy, of course, believed that he was being sneaky.

ME:          "Spit out the gum."

Offender:  "What gum?"

Blank stare from me.

 Offender:  "He has some too."  Pointing at the Dealer.

 As he walked to the trashcan, I mistakenly asked where the gum came from.

Offender:  "He gave it to me." Pointing at the Dealer again.

ME:          "Where did the gum come from?"

Dealer:     "I found it on the playground."

ME:         "You found a pack of gum on the playground?"

Dealer:     "No, just some gum."

ME:         "You mean you found a piece of gum on the playground?  Was it in a wrapper?"

Dealer:     "No, it was all smashed up."

ME:         "Do you mean, in a ball?"

Dealer:     "Yeah."

ME:         "Did you eat it?"
Dealer: :   "No I chewed it.... but I shared it with him."
ME:         "STOP.  Don't tell me anymore.  I am sorry I asked."

True story.  Hopefully they will both get dewormed soon.

 

I Do Have An Anniversary Coming Up #2

Of course I will not be able to ride it for a month after the surgery.

When seconds count

When seconds count, the police are only minutes away.

Why I carry

... because police officers are too heavy to carry.

I got this joke from my father-in-law.

#1 Reason To Homeschool Through College

It takes a special place to create such a wonderful work of art.

That's Why I Chose Yale - A You Tube Video.

I Knew They Would Come For My Kind

School Teacher Arrested

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes " the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. " He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. Read the whole story here

Why Farmers are the Heartbeat of America

Wisdom, Portals and Abomination

Sometimes children pick up phrases and words
that you do not really want them using
at the neighbor's house or in Sunday School.

During our devotions tonight, my daughter was reading the beginning of Proverbs 8. When she finished she had some questions about some of the words.

"What are Portals?"
"What does Prudence mean?"
"What does Abomination mean?"

After hearing us explain the meanings she made this statement:
"I thought Abomination was the name of our government."
No, dear, that is Obama Nation.

The Blessings of Wisdom

Does not wisdom call?
Does not understanding raise her voice?
On the heights beside the way,
at the crossroads she takes her stand;
beside the gates in front of the town,
at the entrance of the portals she cries aloud:
“To you, O men, I call,
and my cry is to the children of man.
O simple ones, learn prudence;
O fools, learn sense.
Hear, for I will speak noble things,
and from my lips will come what is right,
for my mouth will utter truth;
wickedness is an abomination to my lips.
All the words of my mouth are righteous;
there is nothing twisted or crooked in them.
(Proverbs 8:1-8)

The Teacher, the Hothead, and the Negotiator

I present the following conversation between a teacher, a boy, and a girl...

Scene: First grade public school classroom, this A.M.

Teacher, "You just lost your recess, we do not hit girls."

Boy, "...but she hit me first!"

Teacher, "We do not hit girls."

Teacher queries the girl. "So... why did you hit him?"

Girl, "He wouldn't get out of my way!"

Teacher, "So you punched him, because he would not get out of your way?"

Girl, "Yeah!"

Teacher, "Well in that case you lose your recess also."

She pondered this a moment, gazed thoughtfully up at the ceiling, and then looking the teacher straight in the eye said, "You know.. um... I think maybe he and I can work this out."

Teacher, "You know, dear, I do believe you can, right here, in this room, during recess. Okay, time for math."

If she was in high school and I was her guidance counselor I would strongly encourage a career as a Negotiator.

Self-Incriminating Evidence

Scene: Public School Office, this A.M.

The Recess Duty Teacher brought in the two boys.

The first was crying and holding his hands over his left eye. With no bodily fluids leaking forth, I asked the teacher what happened.

She replied, "He punched him... in the eye."

The second boy exclaimed, "I did not hit him, I didn't shove him, I did nothing... besides he did it too."


Proverbs 19:5 A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape.

Tribulus Terrestris

Beautiful day with the family. Riding the bike path alongside the dry river bed. Enjoying the flowers, and their...

THORNS!!

Slowly, methodically checking for any nice Tribulus Terrestris Spinae left to puncture the new tube on my daughter's bicycle.

Directions are for Losers

"Read each step carefully before starting. It is very important that each step of instruction is performed in the correct order. If these instructions are not followed in sequence, assembly difficulties or death will occur."

"Visit our website for assembly video clips."

"Never scoot your furniture on carpet."

I put together a new bookshelf for my daughter. A chance to be a hero. A chance to be a master engineer. A chance to mess up and put the colored backing on... backwards. Grey side up! Well, we did buy two, better luck next time.

Always read the directions.

I love those who love me,
and those who seek me diligently find me.
Riches and honor are with me,
enduring wealth and righteousness.
and my yield than choice silver.
I walk in the way of righteousness,
in the paths of justice,
granting an inheritance to those who love me,
and filling their treasuries.
Proverbs 8:17-21

Heading out on the Range

Cowboys Gathered Around a Chuck Wagon
Heading up the mountain with 50+ other guys from church. We aren't going shooting. We aren't rustling cattle. There's talk of some pansy game called golf but I'm hoping that isn't true.

If A Woman Plows...

If a woman plows, the ox will start to cry and not work properly.

~ Nalim (Bhutan)

My wife says this is why she won't touch the lawn mower.

Winner of the Blog Blabber Award

Congrats to Ralph Petersen for winning Best Blog Blabber of the Month from Calvanistic Cartoons. I was so close.....

The Hero Never Gives Up

Newton's Third Law of Motion

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Desire:

They desire the swings, the feeling of flight, the feeling of freedom, released from the chains of the classroom. They long for the independence that Icarus, Chanute, Bleriot, and the Wright brothers searched for.

Need:

But what do you do when your legs are not quite long enough to reach the ground? What if you lack the upper body strength to pull yourself up into the swing after jumping backwards in that futile attempt to jump start your flight into the heavens?

Hero:

A hero steps forward and says those words not unlike the countdown given for an Apollo or Mercury rocket launch, "I'll push you." He is forty-two inches tall, no taller. Out of one-hundred and thirty first graders he is the smallest, but he is a hero. He grabs hold of the chains, braces himself and charges forward into battle against inertia and gravity. He propels the fortunate mortal seated in the swing to freedom and beyond. Surveying his grand accomplishment he watches and waits. One, Two, Three seconds, an eternity, a moment frozen in time and then Newton's Third Law returns the swing to its starting point and beyond, right into our astonished hero. Lying on the ground, the hero shakes himself free from the earth's gravity wondering what has happened.

Not to be defeated, he again takes his position at the swing's chains and using all of his thirty-eight pounds he again attempts the impossible and launches another child into flight. Again the countdown, and again the swing returns, dashing our young, brave soul to the ground.

What does he do? Does he quit, does he give up in his quest to help the poor helpless beings trapped by their wingless bodies? No! A third time the scene is replayed exactly as it has been twice already, and a third time he gets up ready to fight the brave fight again. If not for the bell returning us to class I have no doubt he would still be at it.

So many would see such and respond, "Stupid kid," but we need heroes like that.

May his boldness, his daring, and his determination never be stifled.

Dance Lessons from Mr. Bean

Stimulus Package

Maybe the Stimulus Package will work.

Last summer the county sprayed poison all over the city

to kill the West Nile Carrying Mosquitoes in the area.

Tonight there are thousands of these winged monsters waiting at my door

for my precious blood.

Maybe the insecticide was really a Mosquito Stimulus Package,

and maybe the new Financial Stimulus Package will work just as well.

Maybe the government knows what it is doing,

or

maybe, they just want my precious blood.

A Disturbance In The Force