The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good:
A sweet wonderful child comes to school and excitedly tells her teacher that she is going to Mexico for Vacation.

The Bad:
When the teacher calls the parent and suggests that they get an independent study packet from the school so the child is not counted absent the parent says, "Actually, she is not going to Mexico, she is having a surgery and we did not want her to worry about it."

The Ugly:
What do you tell your child after they wake up in the hospital?  Oh! Hunny did you sleep through our vacation?  So sorry.  Maybe you will remember the next one.


True Story, just can't believe it.

Thieves Respect Property

Enter Villian:

"Look at my gloves," he stated jubilantly.

Glancing down I noticed his glow-in-the-dark skeleton gloves.  "Those are nice," I replied.

"Yeah, I know," he said as he walked to his desk at the front of the class.

Three minutes later the class phone rang...

I answered, "Room 10, how may I assist you?"

The voice on the other end said, "Did any of your students come in with glow-in-the-dark skeleton gloves?"

"Hmmm. Now that you mention it, yes, one of my students does have a rather nice pair of  glow-in-the-dark skeleton gloves. Why do you ask?"

"Well", she began, "He took those off of my table.  They belong to another child."

"Oh! So this other child would like to have them back?"

"Yes!" was the response.

Upon questioning the student with the rather nice pair of glow-in-the-dark skeleton gloves, he stated that his kind dear mother had given them to him that very morning as an early Christmas gift for his wonderful demeanor and behavior. When told that another child was missing a pair just like them back in his other class, he said, "Huh, well, that's sad, I have to go work on my spelling, now."

...As he turned away I picked up the phone and said, "Just one more thing... what will your mother say when I phone her and ask about the gloves?"

In a rush, the words fell out into the room, "I found them on the floor and I put them on and they fit so nice I thought I could keep them."

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it. Gilbert K. Chesterson

Things Teachers Say

Turn in your homework.

Sit down. Quietly please.

Walk!

Hurry up!

You did great, super, fantastic.

That was amazing, beautiful, brilliant.

 I am so proud of you.

You worked so hard and did so well.

You make me smile. :-)

Let's call your mom and dad and tell them what a good job you did.

Take that out of your mouth, nose, ear.

Wait! Don't take that out of your NOSE!

Please use a tissue.

Don't throw up on the carpet, go outside and throw up on the grass please.

Where is the blood coming from?

At least you didn't lose an eye.

Don't share.

• Don't share hand sanitizer.
• Don't share used tissue.
• Don't share hats.
• Don't share already chewed gum.

Share!

Don't eat your crayons, pencils, paint, shirt, belt.

Don't crawl under the bathroom stall doors.

Get
    off
       the
         counter.

Quit
   sliding
      down
         the
           railing.

Yes, I know it is fun. It is not covered by insurance.

WHAT! ARE! YOU! DOING? Never mind, don't tell me, don't do it again.

Bueller, Bueller!

Does that work at home?

And...your point was?

Reeaally...

I'm sorry, what are you trying to say?

Use the bathroom at recess time.

Do you need to use the restroom? Again?

What are you doing in the urinal?

You flushed his backpack in the toilet?

You stepped in the toilet?  You mean you were standing on the toilet when your foot fell in?

You punched him in the face because he looked at you funny? Really?

It doesn't matter how annoying she is, you can not hit and scream at her.

You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

Keep your hands, feet, Kleenex, crayon, pencil, shoe, backpack, snot, spit to yourself.

Don't tell me about that rated R movie, I'm too young to see it.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Be careful out there.

Are You My Friend?

The two kindergartner girls were strolling toward the playground.  Running to catch up, a third child grabbed their arms and said in the saddest voice, "Are you my friend? Are you my friend?"

The two girls replied, "Yes, we're your friend. Can you let go our arms."



A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
Arnold H. Glasow



It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson  



 

Teachers...What Do You Make?

Now go out there and make a difference teachers, homeschool moms and dads, and anyone else who TEACHES.

Twenty-five Percent Equals Thirty-three Percent

Twenty-five is 25% larger than twenty.

Twenty-five students means more 25% more potty requests,
25% more "will you tie my shoelaces"
and 25% more "I'm thirsty". 

With twenty children it takes me two days to listen to each student read and determine what skills they need to become successful for the next grade.

With twenty-five children it take three days to assess the whole class, 33% longer. 

I hope I do not have my paycheck reduced by 33%.

Here is to a great new school year.

My Favorite Animal

My Mom sent this to me today. I love that women.

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."  She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am.  Fried chicken is my favorite animal.  I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.  He said they love animals very much.  

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.  Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.  Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.  I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.  So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.  She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand.  My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.  Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Sharing is Such Sweet Sorrow

Listening to the smacking of gum is not enjoyable.  The six year old boy, of course, believed that he was being sneaky.

ME:          "Spit out the gum."

Offender:  "What gum?"

Blank stare from me.

 Offender:  "He has some too."  Pointing at the Dealer.

 As he walked to the trashcan, I mistakenly asked where the gum came from.

Offender:  "He gave it to me." Pointing at the Dealer again.

ME:          "Where did the gum come from?"

Dealer:     "I found it on the playground."

ME:         "You found a pack of gum on the playground?"

Dealer:     "No, just some gum."

ME:         "You mean you found a piece of gum on the playground?  Was it in a wrapper?"

Dealer:     "No, it was all smashed up."

ME:         "Do you mean, in a ball?"

Dealer:     "Yeah."

ME:         "Did you eat it?"
Dealer: :   "No I chewed it.... but I shared it with him."
ME:         "STOP.  Don't tell me anymore.  I am sorry I asked."

True story.  Hopefully they will both get dewormed soon.

 

#1 Reason To Homeschool Through College

It takes a special place to create such a wonderful work of art.

That's Why I Chose Yale - A You Tube Video.

I Cannot Eat That: Why We Homeschool # 5

A teacher has made the fateful decision
to eat school lunches everyday during 2010.
Her blog and pictures make the adventure come alive.

Her first post states that
"Oftentimes what is served barely passes muster
as something edible."
She has also included pictures of the gourmet meals for our enjoyment,
if not for hers.

Yum, Yum, Yum!

I Knew They Would Come For My Kind

School Teacher Arrested

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes " the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. " He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. Read the whole story here

Lesson Learned?

When I was a school aged child I had the advantage of experiencing natural consequences. Three of my friends and I wet balls of toilet paper and threw them at the ceiling of the bathroom. I was caught and was able to spend some quality time with the janitor. He watched as I used a long handled broom to knock down the toilet paper off the ceiling. Then he watched as I swept them into a dust pan and empty them into the trashcan. Then, he watched as I mopped the floor. Finally, he asked, "Did you learn your lesson?" I responded with a contrite, "Yes, sir"

This week a first grade student of mine spit food through a straw at other students. He was suspended for a day. He was not required to clean up the mess. He didn't even have to apologize to the other children. He was just sent home for the day.

What lesson did he learn?

At least once a month some child at my school floods the bathroom, or knocks over a trashcan. They usually say, "I don't know why", when asked why they did it. Then they are "appropriately" punished. Either a lost recess or a short suspension, but never do they have to clean up the mess.

What lesson do they learn?

Swientific

I was recently informed that each time a child is absent from school their parents are contacted for a reason. If the parents say their child has a cough and a fever a tally mark is made on a handy pad of paper. This count is then forwarded to the district nurse, who then tally's up the districts count of "cough with fever". This is then sent to the County Health Dept. who use this number to tally just how many individuals have the H1N1 virus.

Sounds scientific to me.

Subtraction

Twenty-one minus seven is... a teacher at ease.
Twenty-one minus seven is... small groups all day long.
Twenty-one minus seven is... reading one on one with each child.
Twenty-one minus seven is... one third of the class out with some type of sickness.

Today was a peaceful day, except for the one child who used descriptive language on the playground and then borrowed my favorite stamp.

Flu season has an upside... at work. Too bad I brought it home to the family.

The Teacher, the Hothead, and the Negotiator

I present the following conversation between a teacher, a boy, and a girl...

Scene: First grade public school classroom, this A.M.

Teacher, "You just lost your recess, we do not hit girls."

Boy, "...but she hit me first!"

Teacher, "We do not hit girls."

Teacher queries the girl. "So... why did you hit him?"

Girl, "He wouldn't get out of my way!"

Teacher, "So you punched him, because he would not get out of your way?"

Girl, "Yeah!"

Teacher, "Well in that case you lose your recess also."

She pondered this a moment, gazed thoughtfully up at the ceiling, and then looking the teacher straight in the eye said, "You know.. um... I think maybe he and I can work this out."

Teacher, "You know, dear, I do believe you can, right here, in this room, during recess. Okay, time for math."

If she was in high school and I was her guidance counselor I would strongly encourage a career as a Negotiator.